Hypothalamus

Wish to share this informative artcle. http://www.healthline.com/human-body-maps/hypothalamus

In heaven

On the 17th December, 12.30am the angels came and escorted my beloved husband, my one and only soul mate to heaven. Nothing can describe the pain when I saw him draw his last breath.Nothing can erase the memory of his sufferings all these months.Yes time will make it easier to accept my loss but the wounds in my heart and mind will never stop bleeding. My life will never be the same again. Norman, may your soul rest in peace. Prepare a place for me beside you and I look forward to our reunion and to a glorious, perfect and eternal life together. Amen

Semi conscious

Norman is getting weaker with each passing day. For him the days and night have melted into unending drowsiness and lethargy. Yesterday his body was cold in the morning and burning hot with fever in the evening! It really sucks! Life is at an all time low now. Today he is semi conscious, he could barely open his eyes anymore. I try to syringe some prosure and steroid into his mouth but it only flows out from the sides. The hospice nurse came and set up 2 sub cutanous line, like an IV line to infuse saline into his dehydrated body.I need to insert rectal panadol regularly to bring down the fever and the rest will be up to God.Please pray for mercy and for peace when the angels comes for him.

The Hypothalamus

The Hypothalamus is the control center of all autonomic regulatory activities of the body. It has been said that the hypothalamus is the brain of the brain. It is the hub for automatic and endocrine homeostatic systems such as cardiovascular, temperature, and abdominal visceral regulation. It manages all endocrine hormonal levels, sensory processing, and organizing body metabolism, as well as ingestive behaviors. It appears that almost everything the Hypothalamus does is related in some way to the management of brain and body connection, linking the psyche (mind) to the body
Very simply, the Hypothalamus organizes and controls many complex emotions, feelings and moods, as well as all motivational states including hunger, appetite and food intake, and everything to do with the concept of pleasure including satisfaction, comfort and creative activities.
When the Hypothalamus is not working correctly, when it’s not functioning up to par, the wrong neuro-signals are generated and the wrong neuro-messages are received, resulting in an inaccurate integration of all our sensory input.
Some of the physical aspects of Hypothalamic dysfunction are: Disordered sleep, Multiple hormonal dysfunctions, Immune dysfunction, Autonomic dysfunction, Altered body temperatures.

On sunday right till Monday, for more than 24 hours, Norman could not close his eyes! He was very tire but could not sleep! His eyes was open throughout sunday night and monday too. I thought he was sleeping with his eyes opened!! I called hospice and was told to give him 5 mg haloperidol to help him sleep. It work! He slept well on Monday night. On Tuesday morning he appears bearably well till about 9.30am. His hands have turn icy cold, only his hands. His leg was slightly cold but his body was normal.What happened?? The tumor have reach the hypothalamus. As you read above, he is now experiencing hypothalamic dysfuntion. His circadian rythym is out. His body cannot recognize the normal sleeping pattern of night and day,and his body temperature have gone hay wire! Good grief! What is this monster doing to him. Oh God,he have suffered enough! Have mercy. Call your angels and take him home. This is our prayer now.

A slow and heartbreaking decline

Its now exactly 1 year since Norman had his 3rd surgery and exactly 3 years since diagnose with GBM on Nov 16 2oo7. His last MRI done in May this year have shown extensive growth and edema. Since July he could no longer walk but he could still sit up, eat well with his left hand and was alert and responsive. He could still smile occasionally too! On Sept 4th he could even sing Happy Birthday to my son Benny! We just celebrated my birthday on Nov 3rd but alas he could not even say happy birthday to me. But I thank God he is still with me and he is still my hero, my husband, my man!

Last week he had a big nasty scrotum abscess which rupture and leaks copious amount of pus and blood! It was horrendous!! but that was not the end! He had another abscess again and the hospice dr need to do an incision and drainage. It was done at home and boy, it was painful even with local anaesthetic! Norman was shaking like a leaf! Damn! I don't want to ask why but I couldn't help it.

He can hardly swallow now and chokes easily. Preparing his diet is a momentous task for me everyday. All food needs to be soften, smashed, blended and most juices make into jelly so that he can swallow it easier.

I can't think much these days. Some days are harder and I can sob miserably till i am exhausted, somedays I am thankful that God have given me the grace to plow on. I live day by day, hour by hour. May God bless you.

Feeling unable to cope

It is now getting difficult to transfer Norman from bed to wheelchair or the commode chair even just next to the bed. He is even getting weak on his good side(the left side). The right side is completely gone and we struggle to balance him on whatever strength he has on is left side. Most of the time I get that kind of vacant look or cold stares from him as though he doesn't know who I am or what I am doing. The physiotherapist describe him as in a state of stupor or a poor state of mental fogginess. As of a few days ago he have stop calling for me which is what he usually does when he needs my attention or when he is in discomfort. To add on to all these problems Norman is now unable to swallow and eat well. He chokes easily even on porridge and water. While sitting up he evens chokes on his own saliva. Preparing his meals and feeding him is a big challenge for me every day.
My body is weary and my heart is burden. At time i feel unable to cope, I feel so helpless, so sad. Please keep us in your prayers. I need more strength and courage from God.

Incontinence and urine catheter

Norman was put on Haloperidol (to calm him) and Sertraline, an anti depressent since late July. The haloperidol was mildly effective but I feel the sertraline didn't really helped him. All drugs are with side effects and these two "happy pills" that Norman is taking contributed to his urine incontinence. No matter how hard he tried, he just could not control his bladder muscles. He need to wear adult diapers day and night and in spite of that he still leaks and gets thoroughly wet at night. His skin is red and moist and he needs constant cleaning all the time. Hospice nurse put in a urine catheter which need to be change once in 2 weeks. Yesterday I change it to a silicone catheter which can last up to 2 months without changing. It was very painful for Norman when the hospice nurse inserted the cath and he was tense and screaming! My poor beloved have been so brave all these while but I can see him crying and breaking down silently, his tears just roll down at the corner of his eyes. This crazy disease is like a roller coaster. Some days I fear that he is slipping away and some days he is more alert. All these fluctuations keep me on my toes and even keep my hopes up!
I live one day at a time and continues to ask God for mercy. God bless you all.